Magmaw

Magmaw Rampant

Dear Reader-

If you have come here seeking information about the sleek and incomparable Magmaw, you have come to the correct location. Magmaw is not simply an arthropod of discerning taste (Druids for preference), but also a figuratively warm-hearted and thoughtful individual.

It is with great gusto that Magmaw meets his meals friends on the field of battle, in the heart of my chic urban lair. Magmaw respectfully requests that all heroes wipe their feet on the mat before entering, and that those who plan on spending time in Magmaw’s magmic maw shower thoroughly before entering the pool.

Should you require further assistance, Magmaw will be happy to address any concerns here.

With very warmest regards,

Magmaw Q. Smith 

 

 

 

Words of Wisdom:

  • “True Story: Originally, my name was going to be ‘Meemaw’. The designers decided that was just too frightening.”
  • “Oh, stop it. Magmaw did not cause this torrential downpour. When it begins to rain lava, then you may point fingers.”
  • “Magmaw has walked in on some awkward moments, true. Here’s a tip: Do not let Halfus borrow your iPad.”
  • “For the last time, Magmaw is NOT financially responsible for the Lava Parasites. One need simply ask Governor Kennedy for confirmation.”
  • “Now back to me- now back to you. Back to me- back to you. Back to Mangle.”
  • “Magmaw apologizes for his spelling errors. It is difficult to paw the correct keys when one’s head is impaled on a spike.”
  • “OF COURSE Magmaw has heard of ‘human rights’. He simply thought it was a joke.”
  • “Magmaw feels particularly virile this evening. Come on, if you think you are sufficiently durable!!”
  • “Magmaw wants absolutely no part in your Zin’rokh thrusting. I am not that kind of arthropod.”
  • “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never impale my head on a spike.”
  • “Do you ever wake up with your scales all bunched up on one side? So embarrassing.”
  • “Betrayal… shame… hunger- all of these fight for purchase on the rocky cliffs of Magmaw’s emotions.”
  • “Why is wormporn so terribly difficult to find?”
  • “Magmaw is deeply saddened by the events around the Ring of Fire, and dismisses out of hand accusations of instigation.”
  • “She scrathed my ears clockwise. This is not what we discussed. COUNTERCLOCKWISE, SHORT STUFF!”
  • “Magmaw has been considering Weight Watchers, but Halfus says it is for losers. Then he laughs.”
  • “Ugh, Magmaw doesn’t feel so well. Why can I not stop at three gnomes?”
  • “Ineffable are the ways of MAGMAW!”
  • “Magmaw does not know how to quit you, Infectious Vomit… But I am certainly open to suggestion.”
  • “Magmaw was once at a party with Arthas. Long story short, few in Azeroth have not punched him in the donger.”
  • “Friends, Azerothians, countrymen- lend me your ears. I’m feeling peckish.”
  • “Segmented body? Check. Jointed appendages? Check. Hard exoskeleton? Checkmate, heroes.”
  • “You have touched on a sore subject. I call myself Annelida, but in truth I am Trilobitamorpha. I… I pretend to be more evolved.”
  • “Magmaw is now infecting the Twitter streams of 200 mortals. And Halfus said only worm pornbots would follow me!”
  • “No more white wine spritzers for this annelid. It feels like someone stuck a spike through my head.”
  • “When you are a Jet, you are a Jet all the WAY- oh, stop it with the faces. Magmaw would like to see *you* jazztap.”
  • “So, a Druid walks into a bar and says, “Give me one with feathers on-” what? Have you already heard it?”
  • “The spike is actually Magmaw’s healthcare plan. From what I gather, I should consider myself lucky Nefarion put it through my *head*.”
  • “… But what Magmaw really wants to do is direct.”
  • “People ask me, ‘Magmaw, how come you’re so cool?’ Answer: Tony Robbins.”
  • “Some say the glass is half-empty, some say half-full. Magmaw says, ‘Stand in the half of the room that contains fire.'”
  • “This is because I am bigger than Jesus. He was only what, five foot eight?”
  • “Who does Magmaw have to Mangle to get a drink around here?”
  • “Oh… Magmaw has never been invited for pizza before- WHAT IS THIS? BIG ANNELIDA DO NOT CRY!”
  • “And when the nectar has lulled you to sleep, Magmaw shall SWALLOW YOU WHOLE! Er…”
  • “The spike is instrumental in picking up signals. We are using the Pizza Hut wifi, if you must know.”
  • “First you must bathe thoroughly; only then shall we contemplate Mangle. Mangle’s a privilege, not a right.”
  • “Magmaw supposes the hallmark of civilization is forgivene- WAIT, WHAT’S THAT IN YOUR GCALENDER?!”
  • “Magmaw loves a good steak with extra Infectious Vomit. Sadly, no one asks Magmaw to dine… hint, hint.”
  • “Little Known Fact: The original Electric Light Parade consisted of Magmaw astride a Jeep with a pair of sparklers.”
  • “(To those who believe Magmaw is incapable of sitting ‘astride’ anything, I refer you to your maternal parent.)”

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