Summertime

Summer Samba
with apologies to Astrud Gilberto

Someone to with epic flight,
That would be very nice.
Someone who likes to fight,
That would be very nice.
Someone to understand
The Emerald Dream with me
Someone who isn’t banned
And can be a team with me.

So nice, life would be so nice,
If one day I’d find
Someone with Dark Command
Who’s imba in PvP.

Someone who mines with me,
Quests with me fast or long.
Someone to sting with me,
Some little noobie (pwn).
Someone to take BoEs
And give BoEs to me;
Someone who’s ready to
Give raiding a start with me.

Oh yeah, that would be so nice
I could see you and me, that would be… nice.

Someone with Call of Flame
That would be very nice.
Someone with pets to tame
That would be very nice.
Someone to share with me
Drinks from Mr. Rumsey.
Someone to tank my deeps,
To be a team with me.
So nice, life would be so nice,
If one day I’d find
Someone who’d take my hand
And heal through pugs with me.

So nice, life would be so nice,
If one day I’d find
Someone with Dark Command
Who’s imba in PvP.

Oh yes, that would be so nice
Shouldn’t we visit ?
I can see it will be… nice.

Disciplinary Action is on vacation this week. We will return June 7th.

The Disc Priest Face Pull (A How-To Guide)

Step 1

Enter ToC 10 with your guild mates. Accidentally doze off during the explanations of the fight (hey, you’re not a DPS!).

Step 2

Penance your way to the Twin Valk’yr fight.

Step 3

Sneak out to the bathroom when the fight is explained and come back just in time to hear what color of bubble you should be bathing in.

Step 4

Run frantically in confusion towards the appropriately colored bubble right next to the boss.

Step 5

Greet the Twin Val’kyr you’ve just pulled with a hearty hello.

Step 6

Wipe.

Step 7

Acquire your new guild nickname, “Lerooooooy Jenkins!”. Change your title to the appropriate ‘Jenkins’ subheading in perpetuity.

Step 8

Enjoy the power of your new position by reveling in requests that you ‘Jenkins this boss’ every single time you encounter one in guild raids.

Congratulations! You are now the face-pullin’-est priest in your realm!

Success!

Self Discipline: The Wages Of Sin Is Griefers

So I’ve come to an interesting impasse in my new guild, and I know my intrepid readers are just the ones to mull it over (or, failing that, revel in a good failguild story).

After a somewhat stressful raid evening (beating ourselves against the good Professor, that old so-and-so), our guild went on a ten-minute, well-deserved break. I ended up alone in Vent with a fellow guild member I’d run with a few times.

Since he and I were alone, I tried to keep up some conversation to pass the time. I shot the breeze about the raid, and was complimenting the guy’s skills in the instance when he interrupted me with, “Do you ever shut the fuck up?”

I was pretty surprised, but gamely replied, “Ha, sorry, I know I do talk a lo-”

“Seriously shut up. Seriously shut up. Seriously shut up. Seriously shut up,” he responded.

Now, gentle reader, I’m not gonna lie to you. I was pretty mad. But as mad as I was, I didn’t want to say something I’d regret. I turned off Vent without saying anything, or even explaining to the rest of the guild where I’d gone (rude, I know- but man, steam was coming out of my ears).

After cooling off for a few minutes, I sent a tell to the player along the lines of, “I’ve always enjoyed playing with you, but it’s cool if the feeling’s not mutual. But it’s not cool to be rude to me in Vent.”

No response.

Everyone came back from the break. We finished the raid, and I went off to quest with an old friend to simmer down a bit. Eventually- I’m embarrassed to say it- I was so pissed that I put the guy on Ignore.

Here’s where we reach the conundrum: What next?

When we play- and it is the most glorious kind of play, the fun we have in WoW- many of us value the lighthearted camaraderie brought by being a member of a diverse band of misfits who would never, ever, in a million years, become friends in the normal course of our lives. It’s an overwhelming touching thing to me, and lies at the heart of why I play.

Now, for the first time in four years, I don’t want to play any more.

We all face these conundrums in guilds, in PUGs, in life both pixelated and organic. So what do we do when our gaming lives get complicated and snarled for reasons that make both sides indignant and hurt?

Offer it up, gentle readers, and let’s see if we can solve it together.

Self Discipline: Mr. The Lightbringer Will See You Now

I don’t know if you’ve ever given it much thought- unless, like me, you’re given to serious contemplation of the World of Warcraft universe after three vodka cranberries- but I’ve decided it would be very hard for some notable Azerothians to survive in the wilds of the Real World.

They’d need some help updating their resumes if they wanted gainful employment . Someone would have to assist them with transferring their skills to life outside of Azeroth, and after a particularly buzzword-filled day, I decided I was in the right mindset to lend a hand:

Garrosh Hellscream

• Azerothian Talents: Cockmonger. Occasional decapitations.
• Real World Talents: Goal-oriented. Results driven.

Arthas Menethil

• Azerothian Talents: Daddy issues. Whiner. Plans for global domination.
• Real World Talents: Familycentric. Vocal self-advocate. Empowered global vision.

Varian Wrynn

• Azerothian Talents: King of Stormwind. Pokemon hair.
• Real World Talents: Some leadership experience. Opportunities for growth.

Jaina Proudmoore

• Azerothian Talents: Spooky. Relies on others to do thinking. Bad taste in men.
• Real World Talents: Visionary. Knowledge process outsourcing. Executive track.

Malygos

• Azerothian Talents: Lord and Creator of All Magic and Spellcraft. Smug. Dragon.
• Real World Talents: Big-pipe talents. Experienced manager.  Alternative lifestyle.

With apologies to Sven and his thought-provoking post.

Self Discipline: I’d Like To Thank The Academy…

Around Azeroth

My screenshot was featured on Around Azeroth on WoW.com this week! I had no idea it had been accepted until I started flipping through the archives- neato!!

Around Azeroth: Sliding Delta

Self Discipline: The Mark Of The Facebeast

... But I Don't WANNA Be Ubiquitous!

Like many, many, many of us, I am utterly nonplussed at having discovered that only through the magic of Facebook will we be able to utilize the cross-realm friends list coming out in 3.3.5.

I do not care for everyone to see my grown-up, official email address – you know, the one that was so secure you used it to log in to your account- just because they happen to be friends of friends of friends of some decent tank I ran with once and friended.

To avert disaster and maintain some semblance of privacy for those I friend and those who friend me, I have implemented a clever workaround (well, I think it’s clever; more likely everyone’s already thought of it and I’m the last one disembarking the short bus as usual):

1. Create a new, anonymous email address from a fine establishment like Yahoo, gmail, or Hotmail
2. Change your Blizzard login email address to the new anonymous one (and get an authenticator, yeah?)
3. Create a new Facebook page with your new anonymous email address
4. Amuse yourself by guessing what your main’s favorite quotes might be

The absolutely immense bonus of this, beyond the simple expedient of protecting your privacy, is that it is THE funniest thing ever to set up a Facebook page for your main character. That alone makes it worth the price of admission!

Those of you who wish to leave slavish messages of love upon Disciplinary Action’s Facebook wall may now do so by searching for ‘Liala Jenkins’.

Self Discipline: Not My Meteor Chaser’s Raiment!

Take My Life, But Leave The Gearscore!

Today for the first time I heard someone refer to running a dungeon in “old Wrath gear”, and it took a good three minutes for that to sink in.

In the not-so-distant future, we will see: “Oh, God, he’s wearing a frost emblem cloak. What a failtank.”

/mindblown

Self Discipline: The Politics of Dancing

Grace Procs On The Two-Step, Fool!

I have a major problem: I can’t dance.

Oh, I can bust out a serious foxtrot when the need arises, using my actual real-life people feet, but I can’t for the life of me [Safety Dance] with that damnable, damnable, damnable Heigan in Naxxramas.

Every single time it starts, I say to myself: “You’re a physicist. You get paid to understand this stuff. You can sure as hell do it in WoW, dammit.”

And then I wipe the raid.

I’m appalled at myself but unable to curb the self-destructive tendencies. As a player, I’m enchanted at the challenge, but as a member of a larger group I’ve become the Heigan-pariah, Unclean By Association. I’ve never finished Naxx because- for obvious reasons- no one will let me go with them. Server PUGs, initially seduced by my gear score and enthusiasm for the Plague Wing of Naxx, have learned the bitter lesson that I am not to be trusted.

YouTube videos have been viewed. Diagrams have been consulted. I’ve cut out those paper feet and pasted them on my screen with associated arrows indicating when I must proc haste and when I must do-si-do. Nothing, and I mean nothing, seems to clear this mental block.

I tried once again last night with nine other people who now hate me, and I finally realized that I need professional help.

Can you help me, gentle reader? Teach me to dance!

Self Discipline: Movin’ On Up

The unthinkable has happened.

Last night, after three years of ups and downs and ins and outs and togetherness, I left my guild.

It was a far greater wrench than I’d thought it would be, but after it was done I realized that the excellent Guardians of Azeroth had been my guild without a break since the very day I started playing WoW! Luckily my impoverished alts are all still members, and I have a standing order to come back and heal through fire whenever needed.

It’s something of a complete culture shock to move from a tra-la leveling guild to a srs bzns progression raiding one- sort of the mental equivalent of going from picking wildflowers on a sunny hillside to aerially fire-bombing a small village.

Our new guild spent the evening leisurely pwning Icecrown Citadel. It was a thing of beauty.

As someone who has only ever run PUG raids and the occasional standby “our guildie, who we like better than you, may or may not be able to come tomorrow so you get all ready and perhaps we’ll let you mop the sweat off our brow” runs, it was as though the lights of the heavens shone down and a heavenly choir burst into ‘Stayin’ Alive’.

The Lower Spire went down like buttah. Marrowgar? Bam! Deathwhisper? See ya! The Gunship Battle, Lord Saurufang-  down without a whimper. We hit the Plagueworks and kept rolling. We made Festergut cry.

Finally, we wiped- a few times- at Rotface, and called the raid on account of the lateness of the hour. But in my grimy paws I now finally have my first Ashen Band, a number of abyss crystals (no new cloth, sadly), and a renewed enthusiasm for healing.

As disc priests, we’ll never top the healing meters. All of our damage mitigation means that we make everyone else’s job easier while simultaneously making them look better on the raw number meter. And while everyone has Recount, very few raiders really get into the whys and wherefores of each healing class enough to know why different healers do differently on the boards. And, of course, why should they?

It’s not their job to understand healing, it’s ours. But it can get disheartening, especially when you’re grouped with undergeared raiders- or, worse- very slightly undergeared raiders. It’s very difficult not to question yourself over raid failure when you see those numbers and that result. And hey, why not? Everyone else gets to secretly obsess over their DPS or threat- we want feedback too! We’re just human, after all (albeit far, far closer to deification than most).

If you’re using Recount and you’re really feeling low, try just comparing your Uptime to other healers; that’s the sheer volume of spells and activity you’re putting out. And if you’d like to take it to the next level and really wallow in how disc priests are just single-handed heal-monkeys, check out World of Logs after your next fight.

As a final note, we ran ICC with a well-geared group and three healers: myself on tanks, with a shaman and a druid on raid heals, but it would’ve worked just as well with a Holy priest on tank heals, a good shaman or druid for raid heals, and my disc priest focused solely on bubbling the raid.