I don’t know if you’ve ever given it much thought- unless, like me, you’re given to serious contemplation of the World of Warcraft universe after three vodka cranberries- but I’ve decided it would be very hard for some notable Azerothians to survive in the wilds of the Real World.
They’d need some help updating their resumes if they wanted gainful employment . Someone would have to assist them with transferring their skills to life outside of Azeroth, and after a particularly buzzword-filled day, I decided I was in the right mindset to lend a hand:
Garrosh Hellscream
- Azerothian Talents: Cockmonger. Occasional decapitations.
- Real World Talents: Goal-oriented. Results driven.
Arthas Menethil
- Azerothian Talents: Daddy issues. Whiner. Plans for global domination.
- Real World Talents: Familycentric. Vocal self-advocate. Empowered global vision.
Varian Wrynn
- Azerothian Talents: King of Stormwind. Pokemon hair.
- Real World Talents: Some leadership experience. Opportunities for growth.
Jaina Proudmoore
- Azerothian Talents: Spooky. Relies on others to do thinking. Bad taste in men.
- Real World Talents: Visionary. Knowledge process outsourcing. Executive track.
Malygos
- Azerothian Talents: Lord and Creator of All Magic and Spellcraft. Smug. Dragon.
- Real World Talents: Big-pipe talents. Experienced manager. Alternative lifestyle.
With apologies to Sven and his thought-provoking post.
Disciplinary Action 
From the sounds of things, you either work in management consulting or just had a meeting with a bunch of them.
What about Hemet Nesingwary?
Az: Obsessive trophy collector, Bloodthirsty, Slayer of thousands
IRL: Acquisition leader, assertive, strong track record
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You forgot ‘animal lover’ 😉 And luckily it was only a close brush with the management consultants, rather than a life sentence.
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You’ve made me wonder what roles they could occupy IRL. May I suggest the following?
Garrosh Hellscream
– President for Life of a banana republic
Arthas Menethil
– Surly assistant in a comic shop. In love with a Manga character.
Varian Wrynn
– manager in an Alabama Walmart. No foreigners admitted.
Jaina Proudmoore
– Psychotherapist. Crazier than her patients. Shares house with an excessive number of cats.
Malygos
– Cult leader. Requires followers to free themselves of worldly possessions by giving them to him. Ardent advocate of the simple life, lived in harmony with nature. Owns a gold Rolls-Royce.
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Ha! I can just see Arthas in a relationship with a Japanese body pillow. No, Keiko, no!
And if Jaina’s not a Crazy Cat Lady, I’m Garrosh Hellscream.
PS- I warned you it was going to be an incredibly stupid post. You can’t say I didn’t warn you.
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This was awesome – I used to work in HR and this really made me smile. 🙂
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I’m so glad 🙂 And so sorry. So very, very sorry…
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😀
I hate resumes, they’re so dumb. More ammo!
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Hear, hear!
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