PUGtales: Snap Judgements

Just Another Day In Paradise

Lately I’ve been racking up massive numbers of PUGs with the LFD tool in order to keep my alts in the heirloom style to which they have become accustomed (the ungrateful bastards! Why, in MY day, I leveled as a holy priest with a broken dagger and half a cape, and was damn grateful for it! Uphill both ways to Molten Core through-… ahem, excuse me).

But my point, and I do have one, was that I realized last night that I’ve been creating a mental list of Instant Tank Judgements. We all know that someone with a name like ‘Ipwnulolz’ will likely require the patience of a saint, but there are more subtle signs.

There’s that inescapable, thoroughly subconscious, internal checklist that makes us think, Oh, God, I should just drop now and get it over with that we run through before anyone even opens their mouth. I’d be totally interested to hear someone else’s, but without further ado, here are my own:

Good Tanks

  • Dwarves (usually)
  • Gnomes (always)
  • Females (unbelievably good, unless they’re a DK named ‘Sexxorz’)
  • Any tank who’s running with his ‘Display Helmet’ turned off (???)

Bad Tanks

  • Any retarded name (always)
  • A tank grouped with only one other DPS from his guild (Always, always means a sprinter who will not stop to let you drink; something about not wanting to be seen as weak in front of the DPSer, maybe?)
  • Human males with facial hair (This makes no sense!)
  • Any tank who’s running with his ‘Display Cloak’ turned off (??? x 2)

DKs are emphatically not on my list; certainly Outland runs they tend to be much hazier on the mechanical details, but they don’t seem to be any more or less personally obnoxious than any other tanking class. Man, they sure do get a bum rap, though.



  1. I’m now trying to think back whether the obnoxious tank this weekend was a human with facial hair… he didn’t even wait until I had finished zoning in before pulling the entire first hall of DTK gauntlet-style, while I ran after him going “ohcrapohcrap why isn’t he in range?”


  2. It’s not a dead lock on the facial hair thing, but man, is it common. Perhaps it’s just a sign that “Yes, I *am* an adolescent boy who hasn’t hit puberty yet, but by golly I can have pubes in WoW, and by proxy elevate myself to the rank of manhood. And incidentally, why u no heal me?”.


  3. I had a paladin tank in Forge of Souls last week who ticked the following boxes:

    1. Bad facial hair on a human male
    2. A stupid name

    He also insisted on “tanking” the whole run without using righteous fury so in actual fact the hunter, the hunter’s pet and a rogue tanked most of it.

    I disagree with the hide cloak bit though, probably since I always hide mine 😦


  4. Also if you’re Horde, many female tanks will be hot belf paladins with display helm turned off … I think they come down on knee-jerk bad side …


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